Intimate partner violence can happen in any relationship and may include patterns of physical, emotional, sexual, financial, digital, or stalking-related abuse. Abuse is often about gaining power and control over another person, and warning signs may appear gradually or intensify over time.

Common Warning Signs

• Extreme jealousy, possessiveness, or constant accusations of cheating.
• Monitoring where someone goes, who they talk to, what they wear, or how they use their phone or social media.
• Isolating someone from friends, family, coworkers, school, or community support.
• Insulting, humiliating, blaming, shaming, or making the person feel worthless.
• Controlling money, employment, transportation, education, documents, medication, or access to basic needs.
• Pressuring, coercing, or forcing sexual activity or reproductive decisions.
• Threatening to hurt the person, children, pets, loved ones, or themselves.
• Destroying property, punching walls, driving dangerously, blocking exits, or using intimidation.
• Using weapons, threats of weapons, or access to firearms to create fear.
• Repeatedly apologizing and promising change after harmful behavior, followed by the same pattern again.

Signs of Immediate Danger

If someone is in immediate danger, they should call emergency services if it is safe to do so. Higher-risk warning signs can include strangulation or choking, threats to kill, escalating violence, stalking, forced confinement, access to weapons, threats involving children or pets, or violence during pregnancy.

Safety Considerations

• Trust your instincts. If something feels unsafe, take it seriously.
• Use a safer phone or computer if you think your device, accounts, or location may be monitored.
• Consider keeping important documents, medications, keys, money, and emergency contacts accessible.
• Identify safe places you could go, such as a trusted neighbor, friend, workplace, public place, shelter, or emergency department.
• Create a code word or signal with trusted people so they know when to call for help.
• Avoid announcing plans to leave if doing so could increase danger; leaving can be one of the most dangerous times.

How to Support Someone

• Listen without judgment and believe what they share.
• Avoid blaming them or pressuring them to leave before they are ready.
• Ask what would feel safest and most helpful right now.
• Offer practical support, such as transportation, a place to store documents, childcare, or help contacting an advocate.
• Respect confidentiality unless there is an immediate threat to life or safety.

Support Resources

• Emergency: Call 911 if there is immediate danger.
• National Domestic Violence Hotline: Call 1-800-799-7233, text START to 88788, or chat online through TheHotline.org.
• RAINN National Sexual Assault Hotline: Call 1-800-656-HOPE for confidential support related to sexual violence.
• If using these resources could be unsafe, consider using a trusted person’s phone or a public device and clearing browsing history when appropriate.